Oldie but goodie from earlier this year. Still 100% relevant! 😉
*** Quick heads up: this view point pertains to straight women but we would love to hear sides to all orientations! Just write us! We’ll make it happen.
It’s easy to get down on the dating scene here in San Francisco.
I’ve said ish like this before (I know a lot of us have):
“It’s la la land here. Men don’t want to settle down.”
“It’s too hard finding a guy who hasn’t dated at least one of my friends.”
“No one really ‘dates’ here. And men rarely approach women.”
But… it’s not good to think those things. It takes away from the fun of it all (being a sexy single woman!)… not to mention those kind of thoughts do absolutely nothing positive for us. Right? Nonetheless, though… with every disappointment it’s a little more difficult to stay positive. I know the feeling! There are some f*cking JERKS here. But there are jerks everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Remember that. Girls can be jerks too. You will never not escape the jerks in life. So just navigate the best you can!
Knowing that, holy crap… San Francisco has such a fun, quirky… and mysterious dating scene. I love it for all my single women here. Let’s talk about this though.
Let’s discuss the cons first just to get them out of the way.
Do we see a lot of guys who don’t want to settle down yet? Yes. Totally. But that’s okay! There’s also a lot of guys who want a relationship! But if he doesn’t, we can’t knock em for wanting to stay single so long as they don’t try to make us think otherwise when feelings are or could be invested.
We’ve had moments where we realize that guy we just met actually once dated so-and-so we know. And that sucks. But come on, it’s not really a BIG issue here… just venture outside of your usual friend circles, neighborhoods, and hangouts. Your chances of meeting people with zero to little mutual friends highly increases and that’s all you gotta do. SF being “small” is no excuse.
What we can roll our eyes at is the number of guys here who have a disgusting sense of entitlement and attitude towards dating. THAT is annoying. Often they’re the ones getting such great praise (and pay) at work that they think it translates into them being hotshots outside of work as well. What sucks is that they can come off as charming at first too. BUT! The arrogance and shallow attitude always reveals itself eventually. So just run when you suspect that big-paycheck-big-ego persona thing going on.
Also annoying: We have a lot of “adult frat boys” who still haven’t shifted out of their immature college lifestyles. They wear tank tops in January and brag about how much they can drink…stupid. Instead of sorority houses, they’ll troll bars every weekend with that tired quantity over quality mentality when it comes to women. Yep, we definitely have adult frat boys here. And if you want a quick identifier… just look for the obnoxious guys in full on bro-packs flooding the sidewalks outside of bars, super loud and complaining about cover charges. 9 times out of 10 they’re looking for a hookup… not a wifey. But they’ll tell you otherwise.
We have the guys who will seriously date a woman only for us to find out months later that they’re still on Bumble, The League, Hinge, whatever… because to them, something new and shiny around the corner seems more important than nurturing one true and beautiful connection… it’s a shame really. For us but mostly for them. (Missin’ out dudes!)
So, like everywhere else, we got pricks, dicks, and FOOLS all over San Francisco. But you know what? Here’s the kicker…
I think the number of REALLY great men FAR outnumber the idiots here in San Francisco. Our city truly has some amazing men here!
What we gotta do, is stop giving attention to the dum-dums. You know, the man-boys. How do we do it? Well, first off… we *know*… we know in our gut when the guy we are seeing/talking to/dating isn’t going to love us the way we want and deserve to be loved. Or treated. Right? Deep down, we know it! But too often we’ll try to convince ourselves otherwise… just hoping we are wrong and maybe just maybe he’s the one! When really, we need to trust that instinct. Think about it… has it ever been wrong in the past? How often do you wish you would have listened to that gut feeling?
But okay. The good guys out there in SF. Plenty of them! And they’re WAY more awesome. Way more fun. Way more sexy! Because they offer MORE than something superficial. They’re more in tune and want to treat women right. Their priorities are straight. And it’s clear from the get-go. No act. No silly games. And they follow through. It might have took them awhile to get there (or maybe they’ve always been this way) but present day they are GOOD MEN. And they’re everywhere in the city!
These guys are the ones we should aim to be dating. And they too deserve a really, really great woman.
Perhaps it’s time to be more optimistic about the men in San Francisco. AKA… let’s not let the bad seeds give the good ones a bad rep anymore.
Don’t be led to believe otherwise. Many men in SF think that overall, the women in this city are incredible. They describe us as independent thinkers, career driven… women who doll up only if we want to and not because we feel we have to. They see us as having a deep affinity for culture and rich experiences and they really like that about us. Class over ass, baby! In fact, they’d actually like to punch the pigs out there saying that women in SF are a “city of sevens” or classic “4 to 9ers”… aka women who look like 4s but act like 9s. (….WOW.) <—and Man Skills Academy is the biggest joke of a publication I have ever, ever seen by the way.
Okay, sure… it can be very la la land here. But there’s also plenty of men who’d be happy to slow down with the right woman. And would love to find her! Men who are also starting to get tired of the dating scene. Men who maybe still want to stay in San Francisco (or don’t!) BUT want to experience it with a partner in crime now. Their future lady sidekick. There ARE men on that level here.
Here’s something to consider and be grateful for: we have so many SMART and established men in SF. Most of them are very driven and work their asses off. You actually won’t find many who aren’t hard workers here. It’s pretty damn hard to survive in San Francisco by being lazy and not doing shit. Even a lot of those adult frat boys we talked about at least work hard. But if intelligence and career driven is something you look for (NOT to be confused with rich), then lucky you for having this ginormous pool of men with those exact qualities right here in your city. Or just right over the bridge.
Another thing: a lot of the men here have or have lived such colorful lives. Everyone here seems to have a cool story. Where they’ve traveled, grown up, the interesting things they’ve studied and experienced. Perhaps why they are here in the first place. It’s cool because it makes going on dates here so fun. Fascinating conversation? Likely! Chance of learning about a new topic, idea, or quirk about the city? Also likely! Even if it doesn’t work out, it does keep dating here pretty amusing.
Another attractive thing about the good men in SF– so many of them are truly down to earth. I’m talking men of character who, at work or in their craft, are definitely successful but don’t let it get to their head. “Status” holds little value to them and it’s not their steeze to peacock all over town in an arrogant manner. (<<< To me, that’s a BIG turnoff.) For every flamboyant guy here puffin’ his chest for all to see- is another whose investing his time, money and mental energy into things with deeper meaning and more longevity. HOT.
Oh and gotta mention: We have a strong presence of men here who are deeply creative in ways that can be very romantic. Music. Art. Cooking. Culture appreciation. Nature lovers. Photography. Foodies. Etc. For the women who desires a partner with an appreciation for some of these kinds of things… these dudes all over SF! Or maybe you’re a super active gal who loves being outdoors. Lucky for you, a LOT of men here have legit adventurous sides to them. Hiking, camping, road-tripping, excursions on the weekend, sailing, surfing! They’re probably looking for a lady with similar interests to connect with too!
All in all, from a woman’s standpoint… the dating scene in San Francisco can be awful, or it can be fabulous. It all comes down to how we choose to view it. Are we going to be optimistic? Or are we going to be bitter and held back by past experiences? Personally, I truly believe I’m going to end up with someone freaking AWESOME and I’d love for him to meet me for the first time as my truest, happy self. Not a resentful or negative version of me. I think I’m deserving of starting off on the right foot the next time around. Why not? You deserve that too homegirl.
See, no matter our age or how many heartbreaks we’ve endured– we can’t control when love will strike next (and it will!)… but we do know that time is going to pass anyway. So just for ourselves… I hope we choose to be happy in the meantime. And thankful that we’re set up in a beautiful city with a LOT of amazing men. Men who can be equally great partners for us equally great women! Let’s start giving them the credit and recognition they deserve.
To THOSE men: We appreciate the living shit out of you. Thank you. Don’t change a thing. And come talk to us… lol.
Stay positive ladies… hope is not lost! SF is the place to be! #BrainIsTheNewAss #NiceGirlsClub