Alright– real talk (as always)…. I’m *still* not completely over the guy I wrote about four months ago.
 
FOUR. Months ago. That’s 1/3 of an entire year! What the actual f*ck. Get some coffee or wine… Katey is going to ramble about love for a bit, mmkay?
 
I guess I’m writing this because I’m certain there are other girls out there who are finding themselves months (maybe even years) down the road after ending a relationship and they still can’t kick the memories of a guy. (Or girl.) Or they still find themselves missing him. Upset with him. Whatever whatever… you get it. Basically asking themselves, “How the heck am I STILL not over this guy?!?”
 
God Bless the souls that can get over someone in a near instant. I don’t think it means love was never there for them, I just think that perhaps those people choose to look at things more logically and are more pro-active in making moves to get over someone. Or they are just good at fooling us. 
 
Me? I’m nostalgic. I’m emotional. When I hurt, I hurt hard. And true to my creative nature, I need to express it.
 
Still keeping my dignity in tact of course. You won’t find me texting or calling my exes. (Only writing about them sometimes haha.) You won’t find me crying about them for the 100th time to my friends. Maybe only 99 times. 😛 You won’t find me sub-tweeting them. None of that. No “fishing” for them to reach out to me… that’s dangerous.
 
Once I sense that my friends (and Mom… hi Mom!) are “over” hearing about my heartbreak, I stop talking about it out loud. Completely. And that’s not to say my friends are cruel and forbid me from talking about it- they’re actually the best because they want to see me move forward. They know I wallow. They know me talking about it again and again doesn’t help after awhile. It does the opposite.
 
I’m a romantic. I get stuck in memories. In what could have been. And maybe you can relate to this. It’s okay for moments, actually quite healing in moments… but in the long run, returning to old memories again and again can hold you back.
 
*Le Sigh*… I’ll sit at home on a Saturday night and submerge myself into a pool of emotions. Where no one can see me. Where music seeps into my ears, and memories and thoughts flow from mind to paper. Not just about love, but life in general. It makes for a successful writer, but can sometimes get me in a funk. 
 
The next day though… you bet your ass that I GET UP and put on a cute ass outfit and don’t think about him for awhile. 😉 My Mama taught me that!
 
You know…I don’t think about him until I check his Instagram again. Or his (possibly new girlfriend?)’s Instagram. And every time I feel more and more disappointed in myself.
 
Have you ever had a friend open up your Instagram account (or Facebook) and they see your ex in your recent searches? CRINGE.
 
I mean… it’s been over a year now and whether my friends know it or not, I’m still thinking about this guy as I lie awake at night. Not every night anymore, but a lot of them.
 
It sucks– and girls, if this is you as well… just know I relate so much.  It’s taken time, but we are still going to make it to the other side. You’re allowed to be sad, you’re not allowed to give up!
 
It’s odd, I can be heartbroken but still enjoy dating. I urge all my heartbroken ladies to start dating the second they even entertain the idea that they might be ready. I’m so boy crazy for AVAILABLE cute men. I have had a fun dating life in San Francisco. Great flings with great men. (<—nothing more than making out though… I’m a prude LOL #QueenOfBlueBalls)… But yes, I’ve met so many great guys! And it helps.
 
BUT STILL… I have not found the “one” to get me totally over my ex. And look, I am working on myself, my business… all that. I’m confident. I’m ready to rock. But I AM someone who doesn’t get over someone entirely until someone else more significant enters the picture. It’s just how it’s always been for me. 
 
I’d rather be a little heartbroken than be with someone who I can’t see myself with long term. Once I know, I know. I cut em loose. I don’t like to waste time when it comes to matters of the heart.
 
Dating makes single life fun and makes for fabulous stories and experiences, but I’m not certain it’ll fully get ya over someone. BUT KEEP DATING. It’s nice to have flirt buddies and sweet guys who will compliment you. 🙂 Flex that flirt muscle and remind yourself you still got it. Your “got it” never left!
 
Back to the guy, I have not talked to him since June. He didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just that he still wanted me in his life but didn’t want to give me the closure I needed to get over him. I’m thinking… one of those times when you still want to keep someone warm just in case. You know? Can’t blame the guy, we’ve all done it… but I couldn’t stick around for that. I knew he loved me as a person. But I loved him, loved him. Going from girlfriend to just his friend hurt too much. We were attracted to each other, had a great relationship… so I didn’t understand why he didn’t want to be with me. Still don’t. 
 

It’s hard. I hate that I still have feelings for him. On my birthday, he texted me and it literally sucked the air out of my lungs when I saw his name pop up. I was in my room dance-cleaning (it’s a thing) and I actually had to sit myself down at my desk, my phone in both of my hands, before I opened his text.

I went back and forth with myself for an hour on whether or not I’d write him back. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him.

I wanted to write him back.

……

 
I didn’t respond. I can’t. I’m not as far along in being over him as I want to be. I can’t take the bait. It would set me back further and then I’d be even MORE upset with myself. I already feel pathetic meeting all these awesome men and yet I can’t totally shake this ONE guy who broke up with me.
 
So if you’re in the same boat as me and you KNOW your ex is not the one but you’re still heartbroken over him… keep getting over him. Keep dating. Keep figuring out exactly what you want and need and don’t waste your time.
 
AND IF HE DANGLES A CARROT… I urge you to swat that shit away. DON’T RESPOND if he reaches out! DM me instead. We can distract each other. I’m serious!
 
What’s the longest it’s ever taken you to get over a guy? This is a safe space to spill it. Talk to yo VF girls!
Katey Yurko
Katey || INFP || Founder/Director of Violet Fog ||

About The Author

Katey Yurko

Katey || INFP || Founder/Director of Violet Fog ||

2 Responses

  1. Tiffany

    I feel this girl and I keep taking the bait. The swings get worse every time too. I’m honestly stuck between, “Hell, I don’t really care, do I?” and, “Please don’t forget about me. What if he changes his mind?” I mean, I’m pretty fabulous, how couldn’t he change his mind? And then, this thought creeps in, “If I’m so fabulous why not just throw my horseshoe?” To be real, dating sucks. It’s an interview, it’s logistics, it’s disappointment. Yes, it’s entertainment and possibility, but it’s mainly just a lot of noise. I’m a romantic reinassance-type. I love hard. I reach deep. SF is Never Never Land and this Wendy is ready for the Lost Boys to grow the F up.

    Reply
    • Violet Fog
      Violet Fog

      I love your analogy so much and thank you for chiming in!! PLEASE tell me you are about of our all girls Facebook group? It’s called Violet Fog Nice Girls Club… we talk dating all the time and I’d love to hear more of your insight. -Katey

      Reply

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