Hey Violets! It’s Radhika. It’s been awhile. I’ve had one heck of last few months and I wanted to put some thoughts to paper and reconnect with y’all. Violet Fog is GIRL TALK…. so let’s talk about taking our friends seriously when they’re trying to lift us up.
You know when you’re feeling way wayyyy down and your girlfriends shower you with positive affirmations but you DON’T LISTEN TO THEM AT ALL?
We always do that!! WHY.
Here’s a personal example…
Friend: How’s it going?
Me: Eh… It’s okay…
Friend: So you’re not okay. WELL. You’re a strong, independent woman and you have so much going for you and you are beautiful. You gotta know this.
Me: I mean it just looks like I have it together.
Comments like this would usually annoy me. Even though she’s my friend- she doesn’t really KNOW the full extent of my life situation. She doesn’t know how bad it is. She’s just saying that because I’m her friend.
Looking back, that was a very self-centered way of looking at things. Like seriously, Radhika, she said such nice things about you and you give THAT retort? Why be negative and so rejecting of another opinion right off the bat? Especially one that comes from good intentions.
One day, I was watching the “New Rules” music video by Dua Lipa and I wondered why I was writing off my friends. The video shows Dua Lipa being lifted up by her friends after a tough break up. At the end of the video she shows that she is emotionally strong and then helps her other friend in the same way. SUPER empowering.
So then I thought- my friends may be on to something. They might be seeing me in a light that I don’t see myself. I decided that I would unquestioningly believe the “garbage” they spouted. (As I would once call it.)
I said I was going to believe them when they tell me how beautiful I am. How I got it going on, how I got this.
I needed to hear it, but more importantly, I needed to believe it.
Life is all about perception, right? So might as well think you’re badass – it’s a much better way to live.
I took all the compliments and appraisals and wrapped them around myself like a blanket, so I could walk the world feeling confident. Rising up from the ashes.
I started thinking to myself: yes, my lip color is on point, I totally killed that rock climbing route, and I’m a freakin’ GENIUS for figuring out my taxes. (F*ck taxes, by the way. #Headache)
You’re probably thinking: woah, what an ego-maniac, but let me explain. I’m the type of girl that looks at my abilities at face value. When I’m down, I’m really hard on myself and that affects my mood and positivity. Like, makes me really, really negative. I suppose everyone can relate to that in some regard.
But I see people who are down but naturally optimistic. That’s just not me. So this new “I’m going to believe these compliments” felt foreign to me. But damnit, I was going to put it in place.
At first it was hard and kind of awkward to believe these things. If you’re anything like me, you fear that someone is going to call you out on your overconfidence. This is such a ridiculous fear. And if they do: Who cares? I’m brandishing an ego much bigger than myself and I have the support of my girlfriends. What more could a girl want? When you believe you have it good, a crappy day can’t knock you down nor can crappy people.
So believe you have it good! Say “You know what? Thank you girl!!!” when your girlfriend tells you how kickass you are. She isn’t just saying it.
After a while, I started feeling a lot more confident and I began bringing positivity back to other people’s lives. My own life. And I feel a lot whole-er, which is not a word. But should be haha.
So if you’re not used to it… let yourself be a little vulnerable. I know it’s hard, but show your true colors and then lean on your girlfriends for those positive affirmations. Believe it unquestioningly and you will notice a difference in your mental and emotional state.
What would we do without friends!? Missed you Violets!