Earlier in the year, we wrote an article about the dating scene in San Francisco. Point of view being women dating men. We said that if anyone else wanted to write in with a different dating in SF perspective- we’d gladly accept submissions.

And by doing that, we were lucky to hear from Miss. Sandra Aziz, who was previously a reader and decided to submit a different perspective of SF dating to Violet Fog. Flash forward– she’s now one of our regular writers. 🙂 Sandra is a Pharmacist, a writer, and a total foodie. She’s hilarious, smart, and honest and… true to VF Standard– Sandra keeps it so real and down to earth. Read more of her work at the end of the article!


Dating In San Francisco: From The Perspective Of Your Neighborhood Lesbian

Story By: Sandra Aziz

Let’s call this: Writings of a date-a-holic

Isn’t dating just so exhausting? Does she look like she does in her pictures? Who will pay for the meal? I wonder if she will be more butch, should I then put on a dress? Ugh! Lesbian dating can be too complicated! There are too many variables…

Let’s talk about online dating as a lesbo. Why are there no proper apps for lesbian dating? Am I right, or am I right? We live in a city that thrives on apps. There’s a techie on every corner! For gay men, there’s Grindr, Scuff, Jacked, Boyahoy, Hornet, Bro, Surge, ManHunt…. I mean the options are just endless. If you want a hairy man, there’s an app for that. If you want a jacked man with no hair, there’s an app for that. If you want a skinny man with hair who is just 0.25 miles away, there’s an app for that! What if I wanted a cat-lover who lived 0.5 miles away? Where can I find that? No where because those apps don’t exist for lesbians!

Calling out the Lesbians Who Tech: we (by *we* I mean *you*) should all join forces and show the men that we can date-via-apps just as hard if not harder! If we all collectively just stop moving in together and adopting cats, we can achieve!


Before a first date, I spend so much time trying to figure out what part I need to play! Looking through her pictures multiple times thinking “ok she’s wearing a flannel and combat boots, she’s probably butch so it’s safe for me to wear heels” or “shit, she’s in a dress in a few of her pictures, I need to wear jeans and some chucks.” And yes, one could say, just be you and they will love you for you! But it’s not that easy! We can’t all be Callie Torres and Arizona Robbins (RIP)! There are some women who are a lot more feminine and some women who are more androgynous — but what if you fall somewhere in the middle? You don’t want to accidentally show up wearing matching flannels!


Where are all of the SF lesbians? Have you really all moved to Oakland? How come a girl’s gotta get herself all the way to Oakland to get a sense of community now? As a recent transplant, getting that sense of community is especially hard! So seriously, unless I’m in Bernal with seasoned lesbo-veterans, a lesbian in SF is a rare sighting. And you all know that feeling… when you spot another and creepily stare just to let them know that you’re there. Attention fellow lesbo in Isle 9: Are you lost? Can we be friends? Where do you live? Where did you buy your flannel?


The trick with SF — which is different from other u-haul** practicing lesbos around the country — is that a lot of (not all) queer women live a polyamorous lifestyle with primary partners; meaning: you have your entree (primary) and appetizers, sides and dessert (other partners). Which to some can be great when you’re looking to play the field a little, make friends and really get your feet wet in the SF dating game OR maybe monogamy is not for you at this stage in your life and this is also perfect for you. BUT for some, it can be really intimidating dating someone who is also dating other people.

WTF is up with the rumor that lesbians aren’t generally successful in SF? Excuse me… I will have you know that I have a doctorate and live in SF. I had never heard that rumor until I moved here and even worse, I heard it from another lesbian. Lez-be-honest, that can’t be true!!! I MEAN…C’MON! Where are all of my happy, successful bitches at? Come at me and let’s disprove this!


Stay strong SF lez-bros! We are small in numbers but large at heart!

** Famous joke to which I can not take credit for: “What does a lesbian bring to the second date? A u-haul!”

Sandra Aziz
Senior Writer || Pharmacist || ESFJ || Awkward turtle who loves to read, eat, travel and talk incessantly about tv and music.

About The Author

Sandra Aziz

Senior Writer || Pharmacist || ESFJ || Awkward turtle who loves to read, eat, travel and talk incessantly about tv and music.

4 Responses

  1. Michele

    Hilarious! I’ve lived in SF for many years, and you’re completely right. Most of my lesbian friends have left the area. It’s a shame really AND maybe there’s hope for Arizona and Callie!


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.