I can be charming when I need to be. When I’m prepared. (i.e nothing sprung on me.)
I can work a room. (IF I need to.)
I can find a connection with almost anyone I talk to. I love people.
But on most days– I’m shy. I would WAY rather listen and absorb than focus attention on me. I hate feeling like I have to be “on.”
Also I just don’t like a ton of attention. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
What annoys me is when people say things like, “But you should just SHINE. Demand attention! Go for it! Don’t hide away!” Honestly… why do I have to want attention?
I don’t want attention. Except people reading what I write– that excites me! That give me purpose. But real life attention- no! I just need to know I’m loved unconditionally by the people I love. That’s all I need. I need to know my friends and family will always be there. Intimate relationships gets me going– not attention.
But at the same time, lol…. I have always been closest with people who thrive with attention. Kerrie, my BFF… loves attention. Michelle, my other BFF, she won’t admit it but she low-key loves attention. 😉 Milly– it’s true. <3 My BFF Hope– loves attention. Zee Bull– loves attention. My Grandpa– pretty sure he loved attention.
…Not all of the people I love love attention, but a lot of them do.
And I think one reason they love me so much is that I give them a shit ton of attention. They love it. I love it too!
Like they respect a damn good cheerleader. A hype man. Me.
Being shy can be a good thing. Part of why I’m a fantastic cheerleader is because I am shy. Because I’d rather spend time spotlighting someone else than spotlighting myself.
Also. Let’s just be real. I’m kinda socially awkward sometimes! Like, a lot of the time. I’m polite AF but I’m not good at one, small talk. And two, anything on the spot. Soooo. There ya go. Shy girl in the making. Still sassy at times. Still know what I want and go for it. But yes- SHY.
To add, my social tank drains fast- people exhaust me quick. Quuuuuick. In my world, in my head, a gal can only be bubbly for so long. When I’m done, I’m done. TKO’d on the conversation front! Nothing to do with people and everything to do with me.
So yeah, I’m a little shy in real life. What does that look like?
Being in front of the camera. I clam up a little. (YET…. I still enjoy a good picture. And always need content.)
Going around a circle and saying your name and something about yourself. F*CK that shit. I hate that game.
People singing me Happy Birthday. No. Just no please. (In fact, no birthday celebrations in a perfect world.)
Introducing myself to people. Awkward Nancy.
Crossing a cross walk solo with cars looking at me. NOPE.
Walking around doing my thing– probably going to keep my head down and do more observing than interacting. Not all the time but typically.
Meeting friends of friends. New families. New people to work with. 9 out of 10 times it’s going to take me some serious time to warm up.
OH- AND PHONE CALLS WITH PEOPLE I DON’T KNOW. Instant, I mean instant anxiety. I still do it but… ugh.
All of that and– who cares? That’s just me. Doesn’t mean a little shyness hinders me from living my life.
Doesn’t mean I don’t have some bomb ass one liners sometimes.
Doesn’t mean I won’t karaoke with my girlfriends.
Doesn’t mean I don’t have strong opinions. Or value systems. Oh trust me, I do.
My personality shines in other ways. I love people who love attention (so long as they own it) but personally- I don’t feed off of eyes. Nada one thing wrong with that.
So if you’re shy and feeling bad about it. Don’t! Demanding attention isn’t the only sign of confidence- you know? Remember that. Remember that you can be shy and still have a strong personality. People may TALK over you, but they can’t WALK over you unless you let them. Ya feel me?