There will always be people who have us hooked, forever tugging at our heart strings and constantly occupying our minds. It’s SO ANNOYING.
Whether it??s a one night stand, a long term relationship, a short fling, or that one Bumble date? we can’t put our fingers on what the patterns are, but sometimes it takes us weeks/months/years to let go of certain people. The worst part is that our feelings of attachment can go farrrrr past when they’ve already let go of US. Why do we still have a hard time letting go of people who very blatantly don??t care about us?
While I don??t believe we should ever push ourselves to let go (I believe we really need to give ourselves time to grieve), there are some things we should keep in mind when we’re having trouble NOT thinking about that certain someone. Hopefully this will help you, your friend, me?all of us who just need that extra push to close a toxic chapter in our lives.
Realistically, how many minutes/hours a day have you devoted to this person? Like how many hours are you thinking about, Facebook stalking, Instagram stalking, wondering what they??re doing, who they are with, if you should call/text this person? It??s probably an alarming number, right?
When I first thought about this with some of my situations, my initial reaction was to face palm myself. We are classy, strong, independent women who spend our days at work/at the gym/with friends completely unfocused and distracted by someone who frankly hasn??t thought about us in a very long time. (<— Most likely.) Do yourself a favor and be present wherever you are. You owe yourself and your surroundings the time and energy it deserves.?
Next,?think about what it is that you are holding on to. Is it certain moments, it is a glance, is it the way you were treated, is it the idea of who this person could have been to you?? Because so much of these things are situational and can??t be applied to your whole existence!
I tend to hold on to moments when people look so deeply into my eyes during conversation, I feel like my whole being is exposed. It??s terrifying and invigorating and completely gets me hooked. But I can??t be grasping at a few seconds and hoping it will be eternity. How unrealistic is that?! Maybe they held your hand a certain way, or had the best dinner with your parents? again: these tiny tiny moments don’t define who this person is and should NOT be enough for you to stay locked in.
Constantly staying hooked will not change the situation at hand. This person won??t suddenly come running back to you if you stay devoted. If they are no longer in your life, no longer speaking to you, blatantly treating you like dirt? have you ever seen the movie He??s Just Not That Into You? Let that apply here. This person is just not that into you! And like Justin Long??s character very openly mentions: you are the rule, not the exception. So we need to let go of the expectation that they will remember how wonderful we are and how much they once loved and cared about us and come running back. Most likely they won’t. Accept that.
Remember that when we are committed to one thing, we automatically close ourselves off to other experiences. For instance, are you canceling on other potential dates or purposely not going out so you can be home in case they call? Or are you just so bummed about the whole thing that you don??t want to be around happy people? You are seriously closing yourself off to so many wonderful things. Don??t let your heart be numbed to one person at this time. It has kept you alive for so many years; give it a chance to not be so committed to someone that continues to hurt it. Trust that you are going to get through this, and actively give yourself the chance to get through it!
Lastly, this person? if they aren??t treating you like the goddamn princess you are, they probably are not that great anyway! Do we honestly want to love and devote ourselves to someone who makes us feel mediocre or like complete crap? That??s years and years of therapy ahead and seriously?we do not have time for that bullshit. Do not settle for mediocrity just so you don??t have to be alone. It is not worth it! We are better than that and letting ourselves be so so so connected to subpar is saying to the world ??it??s ok for someone to treat me this way?? when it absolutely is NOT!
We can all agree that being let down/heartbroken is extremely difficult. So I??m saying let yourself grieve the loss you felt and have several nights of RomComs with your two best friends: Ben and Jerry. Listen to all the Boys II Men you need? but as you are looking for the will power to push through, keep some of these thoughts you just read in mind.
The longer you hold on to this person for dear life, the longer it will take you to realize your whole worth.