I first want to say I hope everyone is okay. I am thinking of you right now. It’s a scary time. We are all in different levels of panic mode. But I want you to know we are going to be okay.
We will have rebuilding to do… but we’ll be okay. We are STRONG.
I’m praying for the world and this entire community. <3 If you need someone to talk to, I am just a DM away. Seriously! I am a great listener. And sometimes I like to give advice! hehe
I wasn’t sure if this article would help more people by offering a distraction or… if it should have waited. The majority of the readers on IG stated they could use a distraction. I just want to help where I can, with my gifts. And one of them is writing. This one is a love story, which I haven’t written in awhile…. it’s also my opinion on all things leading up to marriage/getting engaged.
Love you for reading and I hope you find it a good one. Feel free to let me know your thoughts on marriage too! It’s a juicy subject, in a way. Which we all love here!!
K, the story!
You ever think if how one little decision or thing went differently in your life you wouldn’t end up where you are today? I think about that all the time!!
I met Dan in December 2017.
He was in San Francisco on a business trip. I was living in SF… and out with my girlfriends for dinner.
He just so happened to be at the same restaurant with his friends, checking in at the hostess station at the same time my friends and I were checking in. BOOM. We meet.
I was so close to not going out that night and canceling. I was in the scariest car crash three weeks prior and was still in a lot of pain. Dealing with PTSD. The works. Around 5pm it was a game-time decision– do I go out with my friends or not? I was soooo close to canceling but decided- I can’t cancel on my girls! And I probably need a fun night out.
THANK GOD I DIDN’T CANCEL- RIGHT? I wouldn’t have met Dan.
After Dan and I met at the hostess station and both of our parties got seated (separately, of course) Dan ended up coming up to my table (of six girls!) and said he didn’t want to leave without my number. He was super inclusive with all my girlfriends too and not just zoned in on me. I thought it was sweet.
***Dan also loves to include in this story that throughout dinner we made eye contact a few times across the restaurant…. I don’t remember this at all, but I give it to him. 😉
He and his friends met up with us later that night and he and I ended up talking for two hours…. did he try to take me home that night? Duh!!!! You know the Danager was trying to pull ALL the moves.
But I’m a prude lol. It didn’t happen. Even while he lived Austin- he pursued me for months after meeting. Eventually, I came to visit him. Eventually, we fell in love and eventually…. I moved to Austin to be with him! (See that story here.)
Has it been easy? Oh no. Not at all. But has it been worth it? Are we madly in love? Do I feel in my soul that he is the ONE? Yes yes yes yes yes.
I wasn’t too ancy when it came to Dan proposing. I knew we each saw each other as “the one.” Dan made it CLEAR, too, which was great. He would always say things like, “you still want to be with me forever, right?” or “Isn’t it weird but in a good way that we’ll be married one day?”… confidently making it known that oh you will be my wife, just know it! It was so sexy to me. I think every woman deserves a man that wants her. You know? Let’s her know she’s important. The fact that he straight up would tell me that his intention is to marry me one day helped me not worry about when it would happen. And I always trust in God’s timing because I know he is looking out for me and loves me no matter what. If I didn’t put my life in his hands (not something that’s always easy for me to do) there’s a good chance I would have fallen into the comparison trap with a lot of my peers. Just knowing myself….
Many of my friends are already married. Or engaged. There were times when I felt behind sometimes. Like… should I be engaged too? Do I seem juvenile still having a boyfriend? But then I think- who cares? I know so many married people who are miserable. I also know so many single people who are f*cking LIVING their lives out loud and so happily. We’re at where we are at for a reason. Sometimes I looked back at my 20s and regretted putting all my eggs in the baskets of family, friends, and career… but love last. I could have married someone a long time ago if I made love a bigger priority sooner. (Don’t get me wrong- love has always been important to me.)
BUT THAT IS THE KEY. I would have married someone and it wouldn’t have been Dan! THANK GOD I waited for Dan! Thank God none of my prior relationships turned into marriage– Dan was the one I was meant to be with!
See? God’s timing.
Don’t ever compare yourself to where someone else is at. I have friends that were years younger than me who were already married and with kids, and it’s FINE that our lives looked totally different! My 20s were pretty dark, I was career-driven (still am), and I really don’t think I was ready for marriage then.
I DO THINK THIS THOUGH: If you are over the age of 26, and you’ve been with someone for a whole year and you don’t think the person you’re with is going to be the one you end up with… cut them loose. This is just general insight and YES there are exceptions, but after 26, the way I see it… we are fairly confident in who we are. A year is a LONG TIME to know someone. Don’t waste your time or theirs. Also, if marriage hasn’t been discussed and that’s what you want… or it’s been discussed and the other person is uncertain… then I would worry you’re both not on the same page and you need to ask yourself– how long are you willing to wait knowing you still might not get what you want?
***Dan I got engaged after 2 years of knowing each other.
If Dan didn’t express that he eventually wanted to marry me after the first year, I would have walked away. I don’t believe that being married will complete my life, but I do want that. I want to be a wifey! There’s nothing wrong with that. And I was confident enough to know that even though I loved Dan, if he didn’t eventually want to marry me, I could leave and fall in love again with someone who did want to marry me. Would it be hard to do that? Hell yeah! But I’m a high-quality woman… I won’t deal with someone dragging their feet. You shouldn’t either.
Thankfully, Dan and I have always been on the same page. I just wanted to paint the picture of our mindsets BEFORE I tell you the engagement story!
What’s funny is that a lot of my close friends were like, “You saw that happening that day, huh?” Because I was all dressed up and the photos, God bless photographer Katie Weinholt, looked almost too perfect to be real. My nails looked nice, my hair was curled, I was in a cute outfit, we were staying in a nicer hotel than we usually would, we had a gorgeous backdrop the moment it happened… I had to see it coming right?
I’m not kidding you– almost ALL of my close girlfriends have given me the little side smirk/suspicious nod when I told them I didn’t see it coming. Seriously almost all of them were like…
when they heard my story. lol!!! Frankly, I think some of them still don’t believe me! And that’s okay! It really was just one of those things where the stars aligned.
Here’s why I didn’t expect it in that moment. Here’s the whole story.
SO we going to be in Colfax with my family for Christmas and we decided to stop in San Francisco for a few days before. We wanted a lil vacay and we both love San Francisco so much. (I legit miss SF every single day of my life. There has never been a city that was “so me.”)
With Dan proposing, I knew it was going to happen soon but I didn’t think it would be in SF. I thought it was going to over Valentine’s Day- or around that frame. I knew Dan was working on a ring because one of my best friends, Michelle, had been giving Dan some advice here and there on what I liked/didn’t like. That girl knowwwws my taste. A mere FEW WEEKS before SF– she was asking me all these questions that really made me believe he had just started designing the ring. I had showed him some inspo months prior about what I liked and my other BFF, Hope, had told me that the kind of ring I wanted would take MONTHS to create.
I’ll admit, when Michelle was asking me about the ring a few weeks before SF, I was a little bummed because I did have in mind that “maybe it would happen in San Francisco!” but knowing he was still working on it, and likely in the beginning stages, it probably wouldn’t happen.
So I just told myself- don’t expect it. Not going to happen. I also told myself, don’t be a sad bitch about this. Have FUN with your man in SF and just know that eventually it WILL happen. I knew it would!
Prior to the SF trip, we also planned business meetings the morning we got engaged. And we only had one full day in SF. I don’t know why, but I felt like… if we were going to get engaged, the entire day leading up was going to be magical and different. lol. So that extra put it in my mind that it wasn’t happening. I seriously had it in the mind that nothing about the day we would get engaged would be ordinary! I’m unrealistic in a lot of ways sometimes.
But it worked out otherwise I probably wouldn’t have been surprised!!
So we stayed in a cool hotel in SF, but that wasn’t THAT out of the blue. Dan and I are super frugal with our money (Dan even more than me) but for whatever reason he is usually willing to shell out a little bit more when we are on vacay. I’m always like, “let’s stay in a super cheap hotel!” and he’s always like, “No babe, let’s get the full experience.” Which always surprises me. Dan, the guy who rolls his eyes whenever I argue for paying 50 cents more for the organic potatoes, wanting to stay in a nice hotel! Anyway…. das my man. We all like to spend our money on different things!
So onto the day OF…… stay tuned for part two. 😉 I’m talking the day it happened and what the aftermath of being engaged has been like!
Written by your home girls at The Violet Fog