A week ago I was in a car accident that I should not have walked away from.

I had just gotten back from visiting my Grandpa in Redlands. I was making a couple day stop in Colfax to visit my parents and get a few things done before I returned to San Francisco.

On Tuesday about noon I was driving back from the dentist’s on the freeway (going 65) and a giant BUCK jumped out and slammed into my windshield. Last thing you think is going to happen when you are driving on a FREEWAY right? Like another car would be expected- but not a giant BUCK! My car went airborne off the side of the freeway and went down a 50ft embankment. It slammed down, rolled twice and then finally landed upright. Every single airbag went off. Every window smashed. Smoke filled the air. Suddenly I was encircled by all these trees and greenery. It was unbelievable.

The next few minutes after the crash are hazey to me. I remember grabbing my purse that was now hanging from my rearview mirror. I remember opening the door and being stunned that I was able to stand on my two feet after that. I remember calling my Mom in a total frantic state. I can’t recall much of what I said to her.

I remember all the police showing up, shaking their heads in disbelief. The phrase, “this should have been a fatality” rolling off their tongues every couple minutes. They were shocked. The car was without a doubt totaled.

I remember an older woman parked up ahead with her hazards on. She had called 911 along with the onstar system my parents had in their car. She walked up to the police and me as if she had seen a ghost. She said she was sorry she didn’t check on me and only called 911, she was certain whoever was driving was dead. Once she learned she wasn’t needed she couldn’t have gotten in her car faster she was so freaked out! I don’t blame her.

The first day I was kind of in shock. I had a horrible time getting to sleep as the crash kept replaying over and over again in my head. The quick flash of a giant deer on my windshield. The loud smashing sounds. The feeling of being completely out of control. I couldn’t shake it. The second day I barely left my bed. My body felt heavy, cramping up again and again. Even my skin was acting up and all red- I assume from the gun powder that was in the airbag and also from my flare of emotions. I cared about not getting my content up but I had a beauty article planned and at that moment… beauty was the last thing I gave a shit about. Just didn’t feel authentically right for me. Not after THAT.

So now it’s been a week since and I am getting back to normal. My body is still sore, My stomach is tender from where the seatbelt was. I most certainly have whip lash in my back and neck but my bruises are fading. Just taking it slow. Overall I just feel grateful that it wasn’t worse.

In the aftermath I sure am jumpy. In cars and even walking down the streets. My sense of being “on alert” is more present than it’s ever been in my life. I have an overwhelming belief floating through my head that anything can happen at anytime. It looms. Internally, I’m constantly telling myself to relax. I mean, it’s only been a week!

Everyday is getting easier. I find myself wondering now how people just “get back to it” after a horrific accident or a near death experience. It really shakes you up!! I think everyone goes about it differently. I just feel out of whack. Unbalanced.

You can’t go through something like that and believe it was for nothing. I know that God is trying to get me to pay attention to something I was missing before. My gratitude for life and the people in it are just…. heart eyes right now. Crazy for them. I hope I keep waking up feeling this grateful the moment my eyes open. Life all around me looks extra beautiful. I keep having these moments where I am just sitting there, doing nothing like drinking coffee and I’m like- I’m so lucky to be sitting here! In this chair!! Drinking this coffee! Wow! The crash is still fresh- I feel I shouldn’t be here! It’s a weird feeling.

It makes me not want to waste time. Makes me want to believe in myself more. To do better for people. It makes me want to constantly hug my friends and family. Friends and family ARE EVERYTHING. There is nothing in life that will make you happier than the people you love and love you. I would not be in such a positive state if it wasn’t for my friends!

It makes me realize even more how kind the VF readers are. Y’all being so sweet about giving me time to regroup before I started putting up content again. You know I live for my internet friends! I love you guys.

Physically what I am doing for myself is NOT working out (obviously) and instead doing a lot more light stretching and also working my fascia while I heal. I know that working on the fascia in my back will be a game changer for me.

I’ve been FUELING my mental health by taking more adaptogens–  these are herbal supplements that help your inner stressors and adrenal glands. Things like maca and ashwagandha. One reason I love drinking that brand Rebbl- have you seen it? Each flavor has all these adaptogens in it! Really, really want to work with that company.

Another thing: made myself get back to work and emails almost right away. I needed an immediate sense of normalcy for some reason, even though nothing has really felt entirely normal since.

I guess that’s really all I have to write. If you’ve been through something traumatic, just take it easy. Go slow! Be easy. Ya feel me? And allow the whole experience to enlighten you because shit like that doesn’t happen for no reason! Really dive deep and do some inner listening and discovering.

Pictures below of the crash– needless to say my eyes are more open now than they have ever been! Life is sooooo beautiful! And it’s all about people and relationships! Social media, money, beauty– none of that matters the way LOVE matters. I am so happy to be here. I am so happy to have you reading. I promise to give you the best content I possibly can in this coming year. Forgive me if this wasn’t my best article, I still haven’t “leveled out” if that makes sense! I’m all over the place.

But thankful. So thankful for this life.